We have an extra special episode for you today because we’re giving you a replay of ShawnQ’s Business and Marriage Fireside Chat, with his wife Mrs. AdeolaQ.
Christina Sims:
Good evening. Good morning. Good afternoon. It’s evening for us, but nice to have everyone back and joining us today and we will give it just a moment to let some people hop on here, but I’m Christina and I’m going to be hosting tonight. With me today with a generosity of time, we’ve got ShawnQ your coach for this week and his beautiful wife, Addie. They so kindly offered to join us and answer some questions. So pretty excited about this.
ShawnQ:
Yeah, let’s do it.
Christina Sims:
All right. Before we get started, why don’t you both just take a moment and introduce yourself who you are, maybe some fun facts about yourself and anything else you want to share?
AdeolaQ:
Yeah, I’ll go first since y’all probably haven’t heard from me this round. I’m Shawn’s wife. Um, Adeola. That’s my full name, but I go by Addie as well. I’m a marriage and family therapist in training and working on my licensure. So that’s what I do with the majority of my time. Um, something fun. I’m a huge Marvel geek. I like, I love it, all of it. So I’m really into like comic books and all of like. The different stories and plot lines and yeah.
Christina Sims:
I feel like I have to ask, do you have a favorite Marvel character?
AdeolaQ:
Um, so my favorite is Thor actually like that’s my favorite series. Um, yeah,
Christina Sims:
I just watched the Marvel movies for the first time, this past year and Star Wars. I know, but now I can hang out with you. So it’s fine.
ShawnQ:
Now we can be friends,
Christina Sims:
But my followup question to this is did you watch Wonda Vision?
AdeolaQ:
Oh yeah.
Christina Sims:
I thought it was so good. So if you haven’t seen one division, this is my plug as a non Marvel human, but I thought it was awesome. Awesome. Cool.
ShawnQ:
And you guys already know me. I’m ShawnQ your high-ticket sales coach and I’m married to Addie, which is awesome. So you’ve already spent a whole week with me. I’m not asking you to spend, you know, I don’t know… Well I’m a huge Star Wars fan. Um, I try to swim a mile a day, so I I’ve lost 50 pounds since January. I don’t know if I’ve said that this challenge. So I lost 50 pounds since January, which is pretty great. Um, I swim, I try to swim a mile a day, which is pretty great. Sometimes I swim two. Sometimes I swim under that, but swimming has become a new thing for me.
Christina Sims:
That’s Awesome. Yeah. That’s very cool. Are you good at Treading water?
ShawnQ:
I am great at trading water. Yeah. I can turn to water for about 45 minutes.
Christina Sims:
Wow. I’ll have a competition sometime. My grandma owned a swim school and that was a goal to get on the board and I did an hour and a half so… that was also like 20 years ago.
ShawnQ:
And I see Shawnee said I still haven’t seen them, but my husband and kids have all seen them. Wanda Vision is incredible though.
Christina Sims:
I had no idea what I was getting into it. It was awesome. Well, are you all ready to jump into questions? Okay. Let’s start with the following. What was it like when you first got, started being an entrepreneur and whatnot? And what was it like when you quit your nine to five? How did that go for you all?
ShawnQ:
So I guess I’ll start there. So when I quit my nine to five and I, I created a video for this, like it’s so good. Um, there were a couple of things I did really well in a couple of things I did not really well. And it was a big jump because I had, I had like nine to five. I was making a lot of money. Um, I had like a 401k, I had health insurance, like I had some of the practical benefits of stuff and we had to kind of make a decision and sit and say, okay, what are we willing to take off the table temporarily? Like, what are we willing to sacrifice temporarily so that I can go full time. I was making survival money, right? Like enough money in my business just to survive, to pay the bills. There was a time where we went to the 99 cent store for groceries. Like that’s what we could afford. Um, and I w what we had to, like, one of the things that was really helpful was a couple of different things. One setting boundaries and saying, Hey, if it doesn’t work in six months, or if it doesn’t work in a year, I’ll just go to Walmart and get a job. Like, I’ll go find a job and like figure it out. Um, and then the other thing was like, figuring out all of the other things. So saying, okay, the 401k that we had, we can still do something like that, but it’ll look different and we have to figure it out now. Or the, you know, health insurance before we had it provided it’s going to look different. And so we have to be open to letting it look different. Um, and then, yeah, when I quit the nine to five, I mean, I, I remember working from home and I was working a lot of hours, like evening. I would wake up cause we had just gotten married and I would wake up at four or five in the morning go to my office. Cause we had like a two bedroom apartment and like the ghetto-est place ever. And we would go there or I would go into the office, work for two hours, go back to bed. So she could wake up with me next to her and then we’d wake up, we cuddle, then she’d get ready for work. And then I’d go back to work. So like, it was, it was a really interesting kind of schedule schedule and, and that season,
AdeolaQ:
But during that time, like I was working though, so I was working in the nine to five. So I was actually teaching like at the elementary school level. So that kind of was able to help us get that balance and keep us kind of at a good baseline.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. And I think it was making sure, like, are we going to survive? Like, are we going to be taken care of was the biggest concern. Um, and because she was able to pay most of the bills, it was like, it was a dream that I was able to jump into. And so she was super supportive in that kind of season.
Christina Sims:
Right. Which is of course is a huge thing of how you’re communicating and whatnot. Um, I’m going to take it back one step because I realized something that I want to know and hopefully everyone else does too. How long have you been married and how did you meet?
AdeolaQ:
Right? Those are important questions. I can answer this if that’s okay? So we’re actually about to celebrate five years in two weeks.
Christina Sims:
Congratulations.
AdeolaQ:
Marriage five years, but we’ve been together for about 10 years. Um, so that’s like dating and engaged and being married and then we’ve known each other even longer since we were like 12 years old. I can’t do the math right now, but it’s been a while. Um, and we met at church, so we met, I came in to like the youth ministry and I was like, oh, looking for somewhere to volunteer. And I was like, oh, I think I’ll be a greeter. And then he’s like standing there. And then the youth workers like, oh, this is Shawn he’s going to show you the ropes of greeting and whatnot. He was trying to be funny. Like, it wasn’t a difficult job, but he was like, you got to do this. And I was like, really, really? He took his job serious, but yeah.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. Um, and what’s really cool about that is, uh, so that was in a very difficult season of my life because I was, um, you know, I had written a suicide letter and I had like started hurting myself. And, um, this was way back in like early middle school. And, um, my mom found the letter, took me to like the pastor. The pastor said, “I’m going to surround you with people who love you.” And so I started greeting, um, and he likes surrounded with me with like other volunteers and stuff. And the first person I met was Addie. And so my 12 year old brain said, oh, Addie already loves me because that’s what he said. He said, he’s going to surround me with people who love me and she’s there. So it was like, it was super funny.
Christina Sims:
It’s really beautiful and very such a special, unique thing. And especially to know someone from 12 on up, we all know how much people change and to get to see someone through all of those stages. That’s really awesome. Yeah. That’s cool. If anybody else has great how you met stories, share with us we’d love to know. Let’s see, you talked just a moment ago about boundaries. So let’s kind of hit on that a little bit. What boundaries have you found that have been helpful that you’ve had to set up?
AdeolaQ:
So boundaries is such a vast question, but I’ll, I’ll take it into the realm of like work-life balance. Cause that’s what comes up most often with couples someone’s pursuing a business and someone else’s working or my case, I was a full-time student. Um, so it took us a while to kind of figure that out. Like he was saying he worked some crazy hours. Well, I mean, when you’re an entrepreneur, it’s like, you don’t really have a schedule. Like you’re kind of like just doing what you need to do. It doesn’t matter if you get sleep or not, which I was like, that’s crazy. Like you need to rest and stuff like that. Um, so it took us a while to kind of figure out a good groove, but it was just a lot of communication about like, Hey, we need to make time for us. And like, this is what’s important. Like, yes, like pursuing this dream is important as well, but our relationship comes first and that’s something we talked about.
ShawnQ:
I think also like for me. So I was obviously single getting married when I was single, uh, and not married, just dating her. Uh, I was working like it’s a three in the morning, four in the morning, five in the morning. Cause I could, I didn’t have like any other things I had to do. And then we got married, my brain didn’t change to think like, oh, that schedule is not going to be the same. Like I’m going to keep doing that. I’m just going to be married now. It was just gonna be awesome. So there was a lot of like communicating, okay. What does work time look like? And setting really clear structure around it of saying, okay, at five o’clock work time ends. Um, and that was, that was really challenging in the very beginning for me personally, because I was like, I I’m a high achiever. I like working. Like, let’s go get it done. I’m I’m an Enneagram three. So I like to celebrate achievement and I feel like I’m, I’m driven by achievement. And so it was, uh, a conscious decision. I knew I had to make very early on and get in our relationship of my marriage is more important than my business, my relationship with my wife and what my kids see in our relationship, what other people see in our relationship and what our relationship actually is, is more important than a business or money we can make. And so making sure that I honored and respected and set those boundaries to crease safety around our marriage was super key. Um, and sometimes it works like five o’clock would come and then, all right, I’m done. And then sometimes it wouldn’t, and I’d be like seven o’clock, eight o’clock. And I had to learn how to communicate that and how to like stick to those boundaries because it’s so easy, especially in a business with an email comes in a project you want to finish, a funnel you want to build, a challenge you want to do like so easy to just let things happen.
Christina Sims:
Well, and I think, especially now when we put our device on us most of the time, so I was going to ask too, is that something that you were like good check or is it something like you’ve had to keep evolving and coming back to and refining throughout
AdeolaQ:
The second? Yeah. Cause it’s not like, oh yeah, we got around trees and boom. Like, oh, like we can just hold them. Like, no, it took like, you know, when you’re learning something new or trying to create a new environment, you got to practicing it. You’re going to like take steps back steps forward. And it’s like, okay, that just continual like us having those conversations, like, Hey, where are we and where do we want to be together?
ShawnQ:
Yeah. And making sure you have like, like you have an acknowledgement and an expectation that changes chaotic. I think I’ve learned that from you is like, when you’re trying to change a behavior, it’s not going to happen overnight. You’re going to do it and do it and you’re going to pull back and you can do it again. Then you’re going to fall back. And that’s part of the process. So giving yourself grace and giving each other grace in that is super key.
Christina Sims:
Let’s do kind of a mini insert fund question. Cause you mentioned being in Enneagram three. So just for fun, what is your Enneagram? If you know, what is your Myers-Briggs if you know it we’ll leave it at that. And those of you who are watching, we’d love to know yours too. If you wanna put them in the chat.
ShawnQ:
Let us know what is your Enneagram? What’s your Myers-Briggs I’ll have you answer first.
AdeolaQ:
So I’m not too much into Myers-Briggs anymore, but the last time I tested, I was an INFP um, he thinks I’m a different one, which I’m like probably, but I’m more into Enneagrams I’m an Enneagram one wing two. Um, so I’m very detail oriented. I like structure and very justice oriented as well. Like oh my gosh. Like, you know, advocating for people and things like that. Um, yeah, I think that kind of sums it up.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. So I’m an Enneagram three, obviously I like to achieve, um, I, uh, am an INFP as well, so I’m very introverted. Um, naturally like at like a networking meeting, if I don’t consciously decide to get social, I’ll be by myself. Like I’m, I’m fine being alone. I’m okay. You can talk, I’ll just sit here. Um, so I see somebody said there are two wing three.
Christina Sims:
Which is me as well!
ShawnQ:
Yeah. Oh Kelly you’re a two wing three, so cool.
Christina Sims:
We’ve got like the front end of the Enneagram Covered. Maybe need…
ShawnQ:
You know what’s super important about that though? Is it, that has been so helpful with me understanding Addie and me understanding like what are her superpowers and what are the things that I can do to help her flourish. Um, because one of my visions, one of my goals as a husband is to be the very best husband I can be. Be the most compassionate, connected, intimate, you know, emotionally connected as well. That’s my goals. And that is some of those things are natural to me. Some of those aren’t, but recognizing what her Enneagram is, recognizing what her Myers-Briggs is, recognizing what your personality type is. And having that awareness has helped me make changes or make, uh, you know, attempts and, and like create an environment where she can really flourish. And she can really be the best version of herself as opposed to thinking, well, it has to be my way. Right. Cause I know best ShawnQ it’s. I don’t, I don’t know best all this. Right. Um, and sometimes like, like, uh, understanding her natural personality type allows me to say, okay, this is this, this is what’s happening in your life and your body and your mind, let me come partner with that as opposed to trying to buck against it.
AdeolaQ:
Yeah. I think it just helps understand like your person or even like friendships, not just like relationships, friendships too, if you kind of have this lens of like, oh, this is how they might be thinking, and I’ll caution this with like, it’s not set in stone. So like these things like Myers-Briggs and Enneagram are really great to help you understand yourself and like the people around you, how they might operate. But if you like hold fast to it, like I’m this and like, this is always how I’m going to be. Um, there’s no room for you to like try something different or be different. Um, and not everybody falls into like these strict lines. It’s okay to be, you know, different sometimes. Yeah. So with that, it comes like just understanding your person as well.
Christina Sims:
Well, and I would think too, that even in terms of business and working with people, even if you may not know their Enneagram or know their Myers-Briggs just having acknowledgement and working alongside your partner or your friends or whatever, and realizing that people have a different perspective on things or they experience things differently. Or even just as you are presenting stuff, know how you’re affected by what we talked about today with, you know, objections versus rejections, all of that ties together so much. Um, okay. What do you do for enjoyment to step away from business? Because obviously that can get to be a lot sometimes. So what are some of your favorite?
ShawnQ:
Yeah, well, I will first say it is super important. If you’re listening to this, have something you do that you don’t try to make money from. I was just having a conversation with a client of ours who was like, I have all these side hustles, all these side gigs and it’s so easy as an entrepreneur specifically to think, oh, I’m really good at this. How do I make money from it? Oh, I’m really good at this. How do I make money from this too. Have the thing that you’re really good at? That just brings you joy that you’re not to make money from. Right. Like I’m really good at piano. I’m really good as a swimmer. I’m not going to make money from those. I do it purely to bring me joy because it fills my joy tank. It makes me happy. It’s a win. Like in the morning I swim every morning. Um, or I tried to, it’s a win already for the day if I’ve done that. And so it’s super key. Like if you’re listening, have those things that you are just enjoying that fill your joy tank. So for me, it’s swimming and you know, um, we love watching movies together.
AdeolaQ:
I’m a huge, as I said earlier, but like it also like having fun with the thing that you do, that’s not monetary, right? Yeah. So like when we get like to adulthood, we forget that it’s okay to play and to have fun and just be like, I know you said you were hiking earlier today. So like doing things that are like, not what’s the term, there’s no like prize for it or it’s not a competition. You don’t have to earn something, just purely doing it because like, oh man, this is so fun. I enjoy it. Um, yeah.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. I have a list actually. So like if you, if you don’t have that, it could be as simple and as easy as like getting go into the dollar store and buying Plato and like, all right, I’m going to play with Play-Doh today or go getting Legos or building blocks, or it could be something like, it feels stilling in trust. And we all deserve a chance to play and have fun with something we all like it. And on top of that as a business owner, specifically, if you’re not playing robbing yourself of so much creativity that you could spark when you’re playing so much imagination that could spark when you’re playing so much creativity that can spark when you’re playing, there’s so much ideas for your business that come up for me playing with Play-Doh, I’m like, oh, I didn’t like, it just made the connection. I need to write this down somewhere. So like having that thing, you’re not making money on it. You’re just like, it’s small, but it brings you joy
AdeolaQ:
That kind of translates across different occupations too not just being a business owner. I know a lot of therapists that like, outside of being a therapist, like they’re amazing artists and they just like paint or they row. And like, that’s their thing. So having something outside of like your main career is super important.
Christina Sims:
So you mentioned movies together. Are there other things that you’ve implemented that are just kind of like your fun go-to things or anything that’s on your list that you’re like, oh, well we wanted to take a painting class or whatever? I’m putting it on the spot now.
ShawnQ:
Board games. Yeah. I am a board game fiend. Do you play board games let me know?
Christina Sims:
What is your favorite one?
ShawnQ:
I love Catan. Okay. Yeah. I love it. Do you play Catan?
Christina Sims:
I’ve played it like Twice,
ShawnQ:
Okay we’ll play tonight maybe… Wisdom do you want to play Catan? We’ll play Catan. If, if you guys are open to it, I know we’re all tired. Um, so I love Catan love Monopoly. I’ve never lost a game of Monopoly. Not a single time, I have never lost Monopoly. Um, also like card games, like UNO and like stuff like that. But anyways, those are my goods.
Christina Sims:
That’s awesome. Yeah. Yeah. In the chat, let us know if you have, whether it’s a board game or other ideas of things to do for fun. Um, I’m taking notes on this anyway. So mostly I’m asking for myself, we would like to know. And also, I forgot to mention this earlier, but if you have questions for Shawn and Addie, let us know as well and we will hopefully get to some of those too. Okay. Switching the tone a little bit. This is a little tougher one. That’s okay. It’s really important to, um, what are some things that have been helpful in overcoming tense conversations? Because we all know that’s going to happen at some point in time. So
ShawnQ:
We have never argued we’re perfect.
AdeolaQ:
And I’m gonna say that’s not true. Um, so Shawn and I were both like, we’re not yellers. Like we don’t scream at each other. Like that’s just not our way of communicating. Things were more of like shutter downers. Like, ah, I need to like take a break from this. It’s too much. It’s too intense. And we’re very much like we will just talk and talk until like the sun comes up, which like could be good, but also like that’s exhausting. Right? So we’ve kind of had to find a balance of like, Hey, what of learning? How to hear each other. Learning like, what is it that you need in this moment and how can I give that to you? Um, and so that’s kind of where we’ve navigated tense, tense discussions or arguments or things like that.
ShawnQ:
So growing up, I grew up in a very abusive childhood from ages zero to about eight years old. And all I heard in my whole childhood was people yelling, screaming at each other, throwing things at each other. And so I made a decision very early on. That’s not what I’m going to be like. I’m going to be a good husband before I a have to be a good father or I have to be anything else I’m going to I’m choosing right now to be a good husband. What does that mean? One, it means never calling names, never saying names, never, um, personally attacking, like figuring out what the problem is and then attacking the problem as opposed to tackling each other. Um, never am I going to put her down? I’m always going to applaud her in private and in public. Never am I going to go to other people? Cause this is another issue that can happen was like, oh man, can you believe she did that? Or he did this or they said that, and then you reconcile. But then that person doesn’t get to reconcile. So it’s super important to like, I made that decision. Okay. Those are things I’m not going to do when I’m, what are we going to do? We’re going to have healthy arguments. We’re going to have healthy tension. And what that looks like is saying, okay, when we need a break asking for a break and saying, okay, I need a break from this conversation. I need to process some things. Um, or when you when, like we’re, we’re feeling the tension res like breathing summing down, okay. What do you need from me right now? And really being able to communicate that in saying like, here’s what I need from you. Here’s what you need from me. And then another thing is recognizing my experience of a situation and her experience of a situation, the same situation, very different experiences. I am. So I could say something for example and what I say and what she hears could be completely different. What she says, what I hear completely different. And now there’s that tension of like, well, you said this, well, it made me feel that way. So making sure that you acknowledge, she has a very different experience and that’s, that’s good. That’s okay. Like, let me come in and understand what that experience is. Let me come in and ask, what did that make you feel like? Am I getting it right? Help me understand and slowing the conversation down so that we can figure out how can I come to this more appropriately next time.
AdeolaQ:
Yeah. And it’s like, it’s very easy to get caught in like the details of things and being a one, imagine like a one in a three, but being a one it’s just like, no, this is exactly how it was. Right. Like, it’s easy to get caught up in that. And so it’s important to like pull back and say, okay, what am I feeling? This me, my therapy hat. Um, like what do I actually need from this conversation? Or what is it that I’m trying to achieve? And how can I do that without hurting my partner? Cause that’s important because when we want to defend our side, sometimes they’re just like, I don’t, it doesn’t matter how I make them feel like I’m just going to do what I need to do, but that relationship’s important. And so like he said, putting it too, like, this is the problem that we’re facing together. Not like you’re the problem. And um, you know, I need all the answers.
ShawnQ:
There’s two things that come up as you’re saying that two babies, one is, uh, what has on a practical level what’s been really helpful is visualizing. So like, I’ll draw, okay, this is how I experienced this. This happened. Then this happened. Then I felt this, then this happened and it’s very logical. And then she’ll draw and she’ll say, well, it’s a big circle. And everything just happened in there. And like, I just need help weeding through all these lines. And uh, I remember the first time we did that, it was like, she was like, just looking at your side, frustrates me and me too. Like just looking at your side, frustrates me, but they’re very real experiences. And our job is to understand each other as best as we can and continue to grow into that so that I can understand what that circle is, what those boxes are, then it’s…
Christina Sims:
Not right or wrong. It’s just reality.
ShawnQ:
Exactly. There’s no, there’s no right experience. There’s no wrong experience. How she experienced it is her experience. My experience is my experience. The other thing is what I’ve learned from you is the importance of repair as well. And it’s not just, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s feel good about it now. It’s how can I make this better for you? How can I make you feel better? Uh, and being a part of that reparation is super important. Maybe you can kind of touch on that a little bit. Yeah.
AdeolaQ:
Yeah… I was just thinking through some of that, what you were saying. Um, but the repair part, like not just saying, sorry, or do you forgive me and like, okay. Cause then things will come up if you don’t like deal with them or if there isn’t any change. And that’s the part that, um, people forget is like, okay, there has to be something that changes from that. And so that’s the thing that we constantly work on. Like, okay, here’s the part that I’m going to change and that’s being in relationship and like bringing that relationship together. And that’s, what’s hard for a lot of people is like, we want to hold onto our positions. We want to hold onto our ideas. And when you’re coming together with somebody, you have to let some of that stuff go in order to be closer to each other. So, yeah.
ShawnQ:
Um, and then just on top of that, before I go, is there, if you guys are having insights or golden nuggets, let us know in the chat, I’d love to know if you have any questions, let us know as well. Um, but something else, like kind of a, I don’t like saying formula, cause it’s not a formula. You have to figure it out for yourself. Something that’s been helpful for me is I’m sorry I was wrong. Acknowledging your wrongdoing, like acknowledging this made you feel that way. And I did that. I’m sorry. I’m so I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please. Forgive me. What can I do to make it better? What can I do to fix this? What can I do to…
AdeolaQ:
Yeah, I’ll add to, if you say, I’m sorry, you felt that way.
ShawnQ:
That’s not an apology guys. “I’m sorry YOU”…
AdeolaQ:
“I’m sorry you’re mad right now.” Yeah. So it has to be a genuine owning up to your part of what happened. Yeah.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. And like just acknowledging tensions going to happen. Right. When you put two people together, any situation ever, and they’re living together and there’s emotional intimacy, there’s physical. There’s just all this stuff that happens. There’s life that happens. There’s finances, there’s all these things. So at some point there’s going to be tension. So recognizing it’s going to happen, here’s how we’re going to deal with it when it does. It’s super important. Um, and then the only other thing I’ll add is like when you’re in arguments, one of the things that I’ve learned is body language is super important. So one thing I try not to do is sit right across from her. And because now it’s me against her, as opposed to me sitting, like, if we’re on the score table, her hearing me right next to her saying, okay, what’s the problem? How can we fix this? Because now we’re looking at the problem together as opposed to each other.
Christina Sims:
Yeah, that was good. Y’all like so good. Honestly…
ShawnQ:
I do want to preface it with this. We’re not perfect, right? Like, like if you, if anybody expects your business to like fix your marriage, it doesn’t right. If anything, business only accelerates any tension there is. And so making sure you have these really, um, strong exercises and practices and tools will help you navigate the tension that happens when you start a business. And now there’s a business and a marriage and kids and all this stuff. So…
Christina Sims:
Yeah that’s, it’s so much, but it’s really good to hear about the successes and the reality of the difficulties too…
ShawnQ:
And I see Chris is here, Chris. I love you guys too. You guys are awesome.
Christina Sims:
What is the biggest risk that you’ve taken in your business or in life, or however you want to frame that?
AdeolaQ:
I’ll start with my side of things. You’ve probably heard a lot about, well, you’ll share too, but, um, as far as like in our relationship, one of the biggest risks, as far as on my side was actually moving to Colorado. Um, so I decided, oh, I want to do my master’s and pursue marriage and family therapy. And I was like, you know what? Let’s live somewhere else because we don’t have kids yet. We just have a little puppy. And so I was like, this is a good opportunity for us to get alone together. And like, really just work on some of these things. He was building his business, I’m getting my degree. Let’s go live somewhere else. And we’re like, okay. So we like looked at different places. We could have lived where like Philadelphia, Connecticut, like there’s so many different
ShawnQ:
Yeah there were a couple of different places we were considering.
Christina Sims:
And for people who don’t know, where were you before you came to Colorado.
AdeolaQ:
California.
ShawnQ:
Southern California.
AdeolaQ:
Sun, Good food.
Shawn & AdeolaQ:
The beach [laugh].
AdeolaQ:
So it was a big decision and a big risk to like, we didn’t know anybody while we knew like one, one or two people out here, but we didn’t like have a community out here. So us coming out here together as a big risk and we just, we did that together and it was a good, it was a good risk.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. Um, and I think what’s super important about that is supporting your spouse if they’re entrepreneurial or they’re not. And like letting them know I’m here to see you succeed too. So like, I went to one day of college and I was like, nah, it’s all right. I don’t want to do this. Um, and now she’s like, she has her masters, which is insane. And so, uh, recognizing there’s different paths for each person. And for me to expect her to be an entrepreneur and change the way she wants to approach life would be unfair to her and her goals. So, all right. You want to go to college anytime? Like if she has a dream, all right, let’s figure out how we’re going to do this. If I have a dream, she has it. All right. Let’s figure out how we’re going to do this. And there’s no dream that’s too big or too like, oh, we’ll never be able to do that. It’s like, no, heck yes. Like what can we do? Absolutely. How can we make it?
AdeolaQ:
It’s like we going to do it! It’s not even like, if it’s a question of like, oh, we’re not gonna do that. It’s like, okay, let’s look at this. How are we going to do this? And Sean’s always been super supportive of my dreams and goals. That’s probably just the entrepreneur in him too. Like, yeah, let’s jump out of a plane. I would never jump out of a plane, but you have. [Laugh]
ShawnQ:
Okay. Um, I think the biggest risk I took was when I first got started, it was right before we got married. It was probably, uh, six months before we got married, but we were engaged for six months. Um, in total we were engaged for years. So we were engaged for six months at that point. And there was this course that came up and I was like, I really want to do this. I was so excited. I was like, this is perfect. This is going to launch me into the stratosphere. I invested, um, it was about 3000 bucks at that point. And it was like, okay, we’re coming out of our wedding. So like, if you’re planning, weddings, you know, like chicken should not cost that much. I just don’t understand. Flowers are expensive. Reduce the chicken. But really, and so it was okay, do we put the $3,000 to the business or do we put the $3,000 to having like an photographer for like, like what you can get for a wedding? And so I had a conversation with her and I was like, okay, should I do this? Should I do this, this? And she was like, yeah, do it. If you, if you’ve I’m here to support you, no matter what here to support you. I was like, okay, should I do this though? Because I didn’t want her support to be, or her trust in this business to be shaken or anything if it didn’t work. So I was like, okay, should I do this? Well, I, we ended up, like, I slept on it. And it was like an hour before it closed. I ended up doing it. Um, and I mean, that was like the, literally the launch of my whole business. Wow. We’re doing multiple six figures in our company hitting almost about to hit that seven figure mark, which is really exciting. And so it’s what, what has been really incredible was just knowing that I had that support and like, okay, if this falls, if this is not like, if for whatever reason, this fails, she’s still got my back. She’s still there to support. Um, she’s still there to say like, all right, what shift do you got at Walmart? I’ll take you like, she’s going to be that person to support no matter what
AdeolaQ:
If I could like add to that as well. It wasn’t just like, oh, I’m going to put money into this and money into that. Like those types of risks, it was like, Hey, this is what I want to do. If this doesn’t work out, here’s the other plan. So it wasn’t like no safety net or no. Like, there was always like this idea of like, if this isn’t working, we’re not going to go this direction. We’re going to shift. So I felt like, okay, yeah, try it. If it doesn’t work, then we will shift and we’ll do something else. So that’s what made me feel comfortable with making that decision.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. And I think that experience has really informed me in knowing like what clients experience and what people experience, because I’ve been there. I know what that feels like. And so that’s why I am like one of my biggest values. I mean, you’re on my team, like ask the other staff members. My biggest, one of my biggest values is making sure the customer has a great experience. Making sure they get exactly what they need. Sometimes if like they haven’t paid for one-on-one, I’ll be like, all right, they need a one-on-one. Let’s just let, let me just help you because I genuinely want people to have the support that they need. Um, and to be able to get the results that I know they end their partner or the people they love have made a decision together tune to do. So it’s super, super important for me to that people get results, but also people have a good customer experience. Cause I know what it’s like to have it, but I also know what it’s like not to have it.
Christina Sims:
That’s some good stuff. You said the phrase dream big earlier. So the question from left field, if you could send your spouse on an all expenses paid vacation anywhere you don’t, you don’t really get a say and if you want to be there or not there, but this is like totally for them. Where would you send them?
ShawnQ:
Okay. So I would probably take it to South Korea because I know you’ve always mentioned that, which will probably go to South Korea in the next year or two. I don’t know. But South Korea I’d probably go to South Korea specifically when all those like pink, um, um, not flowers, but trees, the cherry blossoms…
AdeolaQ:
Oh cherry blossoms? Or is that Japan?
ShawnQ:
Oh, maybe that’s Japan. I’ll send you somewhere with cherry blossoms. That’s anyway, I think there’s cherry blossoms on the street.
AdeolaQ:
I’m like thinking, I don’t know where I’d send you. Maybe I’d send you to Europe. I’ve been to Europe he hasn’t been to Europe yet .
Christina Sims:
Like a full tour of everything? Cool. What was your favorite place in Europe?
AdeolaQ:
Oh, I did a study abroad in London, so I was there for three months. I would go back and that’s so that’s so good. Yeah.
ShawnQ:
I’m curious if you’re watching live or watching the rerun, where do you want to go
Christina Sims:
Or where would you send your spouse?
ShawnQ:
Or where would you spend your, your partner?
Christina Sims:
And if your partner is there partner, do you approve or disapprove? All right. How do you balance? Okay. So since one of you is clearly an entrepreneur and one of you is doing the more traditional school, nine to five, that types of type of situation. How do you balance that in just kind of, what advice would you give to people who are also trying to balance that dynamic?
ShawnQ:
Um, so I think obviously I’m the entrepreneur like hardcore, but you have some entrepreneurial tendencies as well, which I think is really great. Um, I think it’s, it’s less like who’s the entrepreneur and who’s not and more, who’s the bigger risk taker and who’s not because I I’ll take all the risks. Um, I’ll like make the jump. I’ve gotten better. I think because of you of like planning and like, okay, is this going to work? Or like, is it not like let’s really think through it? Um, I’m very data-driven, but I’m very much the type to like jump out of the plane, build the plane. Hopefully we have all the parts. Hopefully somebody knows how to fly it. And hopefully we remember to bring the engine. And like, that’s like, I’m okay with, with doing that. Whereas I think you have a different perspective.
AdeolaQ:
I’m like, okay, I need to check the plane out. Let me check this pilot’s history. Is everything working, do some testing before we even like, get ready to get on the plane, you know, do I have all my stuff?
ShawnQ:
Yeah. And so there can be tension there. Right? Like I see, um, I think that’s Kelly, Kelly says she would go to Ireland and Ireland, but ultimately we would visit several countries in Europe. Ireland is pretty. I like, I, yeah. Um, so risk. So like recognizing, okay, I want to jump off. You want to plan for six months? How do we do that? How do we do this? Uh, and I think that’s where a lot of like that communication skill comes in of like, okay, I, I would like to jump. This is what that jump looks like. If the jump doesn’t work, this is the plan behind that. Um, and then slowing down and saying, Hey, for, especially for you high achievers or you entrepreneurs, there is value in slowing down and not jumping immediately. There’s value in saying, okay, here’s my plan. What do you think? What is your perspective? What am I missing?
AdeolaQ:
That’s something else. Like, he’s always given me, what’s called veto power in the relationship. So if there’s anything like wild, crazy, like, Hey, I’m thinking about doing this, but you have veto power. So if you really feel like, no, then like I’m not going to do it. And so like for us being on the same page, like we’re making those decisions together.
ShawnQ:
Yeah. And like, so we both have veto power. So if she wants to do something and I think I don’t, I, that doesn’t make me feel good. That doesn’t make me feel like our relationship’s going to be safe there. Yeah. I can beat to it. Same thing with her, if she’s like, ah, that’s a little too risky. Or I like, for example, in 2019 before COVID and all the crazy, I was traveling a lot, like a lot. And speaking at events on stages, like doing some great stuff and that in an inadvertently impacts your relationship. And so she vetoed, she said, okay, 20, 20, like, no, we’re going to travel together. We’re going to travel for fun. Um, and all right, I, hundred percent agree with it because you’re my relationship to her is more important than any stage I could be speaking to 10,000 people. She vetoes it. All right. Hands-off you are more important than the 10,000 people I could speak to because my relationship to her comes first, business second. Business is there to support our marriage. Not there to take over our marriage. Yeah.
Christina Sims:
What would you say is your, like, as you’ve been working together in this dynamic and whatnot, what’s your, one of your favorite, I don’t know, memories or lessons or just, yeah. Things that you’ve learned while you’ve been involved in a marriage. That’s also growing a business. Like what stood out to you like, and it could be a memory. It could just be something you’ve learned. It could be,
AdeolaQ:
I think the creativity we allow in our marriage, I don’t know how similar that is for other people’s relationships, but we have a lot of creativity in ours to where we can be doing different things like before his business, he did a lot of these productions and things like that, that he put on and just allowing ourselves to be in spaces that are cause we’re both creative people. Um, so that’s kind of been something that’s stood out to me as like, wow, we’ve done so much, like so many different types of things. We’ve had our hand in and like being able to say, yeah, let’s do that. Like even if it wasn’t like, particularly in our wheelhouse, we’re like, let’s try it. Let’s let’s do that together.
ShawnQ:
And I think that’s super important by the way Erin says, Addie, I love your hair unless that’s Finley Finley’s um, let us know anyways, um, her hair is pretty cool. I love it. It’s so beautiful. Um, okay. So for me, I think the creativity, and I think giving each other permission, like if you’re married or you have a partner, like ask them, let’s get creative. What is something you’ve wanted to do that you haven’t been able to do? Let’s figure out how to do it. Uh, I, what, when I first started, I coached about 300 people for free because I wanted to really master my coaching skill. And I remember that very clearly to this day. I’ll probably remember her, her voice cause it was on a phone. Um, and she was like 80 years old and she revealed a dream she had for her life. And then at the end of the cautious of Shawn, I have to tell you, I’ve never told my husband this stream ever. I never told my family this stream and it broke my heart, that there was a situation where she didn’t maybe feel safe to share the dream or just never came up, give your spouse, if you’re the entrepreneur, ask them, what do you want to create? If you could create anything, what do you want to sink your teeth into? And if you aren’t the entrepreneur and you’re listening to this with your spouse, asking them like, what’s your big dream and how can I support that? How can we create a marriage where our creativity can flow or fun can flow or playfulness can flow. Our imagination can flow. That is super key. Like making sure you’re intentional about having that space. Cause it won’t happen. Life’s going to happen. Right. Bills are going to come. You’re just going to live day after day after day work. And then you’re done. You only get this one life. So making sure that you have that space is super key.
AdeolaQ:
Yeah. Even like being spontaneous is something that we do as well. Like before, like COVID in all the shutdowns and things. We like took a random trip to New Mexico, like rented a car. It’s like, Hey, we’re going to New Mexico. And I was like, okay, well we just like drove, but yeah, like just allowing for like fun to have fun in your relationship and be spontaneous too. Yeah.
Christina Sims:
Yeah. Well, we’re getting close here. So if you have any other questions for them, be sure to put that in the chat and this is pretty generic and you guys covered so much good stuff, but it just keeps coming back to me to want to know if could give a piece of advice and maybe it has to do with marriage and business, or maybe it’s just something that you’ve learned in your life that you think everyone needs to hear. What, what would you share? And if you need a thinking moment…
AdeolaQ:
I feel like we need some music. Um, oh, I, oh, okay. Lots of thoughts filtering in my head, but even just thinking about, um, the Olympics that are happening right now, um, I love the Olympics and I love gymnastics. I’ll watch and track and field. Those are my two things that I like watching you guys have probably seen like Simone Biles and heard about her taking a step back to focus on her mental health. And she’s this decorated Olympian. Like she is phenomenal. She’s already broken records. She’s literally everywhere. Um, and something that she said in an interview is like been sticking with me. She’s like, I want to keep having fun with what I’m doing and I wasn’t in the right head space. So I needed to take a step back and that’s okay to do. And so to me, that was her being authentic and being true to who she was. And even though like, everyone’s all this pressure’s on her, everyone’s counting on her. She’s like, you know what? This isn’t getting fun for me anymore. I need to take a step back. So I’m in the right head space because actually for a gymnast, for a gymnast, that’s serious. If you’re not in the right Head-space, you could injure yourself. You could break your spine. Like it would be bad. So Head space is something that’s super important. So my piece of advice I know going all over the place is…
ShawnQ:
Don’t break your spine. That’s it!
AdeolaQ:
No. [laugh] Is to be authentic and to move in that space no matter who is saying what to you, especially with business, if you have a dream and you’re like, oh, this is what I want to do. I’m enjoying it. And your family is like, well, you’re not making that much money right now or, oh, that’s not working for you. Sometimes you have to say, I’m going to do what’s best for me. And I’m going to push forward. Even though, you know, everyone’s putting this pressure on me, like feel free to be who you are and move in that space and just be authentic to what you want to do is what I would say.
Christina Sims:
That’s so good.
ShawnQ:
I don’t know what to say after that. I think the only thing that comes up when she used the word authenticity is congruence and congruence is if I get this right, I know I learned it from you was making sure that what you think, what you feel and what you do is all in alignment. And so sometimes you’re doing things, but you don’t feel good about it, or someone’s asking you to do something and it kind of irks you, but you do it anyways. Cause you just don’t want the drama. Right? Making sure that you’re congruent. And you’re saying that I don’t like that. Right. That doesn’t make me feel good. And you are, you’re sharing what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, what you’re doing. And it’s all in alignment. That’s when true authenticity gets sparked. That’s what that’s when it shows up because you’re being, when people say they want to be authentic, they’re saying, I want to share what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking and what I’m doing. And I want this to be all in alignment. And so giving yourself that space to process, what am I feeling about this? What am I thinking about this? What am I doing? Am I doing this because I’m being pressured to my so-and-so. Am I holding myself back because I just don’t want drama. Am I not doing something because I think there’s fear. There there’s fear there there’s a risk there. Making sure that you’re congruent is super, super key. So a practical tip on a practical thing is like, take notes, like practice it, write it out. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? What am I doing? And that will really give you the space to kind of explore that.
Christina Sims:
All those are good. I feel like that is a great place to leave our thoughts. Unless you have anything else that you have just been bursting to say advice, thoughts.
AdeolaQ:
Where’s baby Yoda. I haven’t seen him random thought, but he’s always, usually lurking around somewhere.
Christina Sims:
True.
AdeolaQ:
I was surprised he wasn’t like set up or having something. Oh, Hey there. Yeah. You have any last words for us?
Grogu:
Do or do not…
Christina Sims:
So great. Well, thank you both so much for taking your time and your energy to talk and share and let us all in on what you’ve experienced. And there’s some really interesting stuff going on right now everyone… Oh people want to know where Hamilton is though?
AdeolaQ:
He’s at home.
ShawnQ:
He’s probably pooping in the hallway. [Laugh]
AdeolaQ:
No he’s not. He’s in his cage napping.
Christina Sims:
We’re going to hope Addie’s answer is what is actually going on, but that’s wonderful. Well, thank you everyone for joining us this evening, afternoon, morning I’m not sure or on the replay, but let us know if you had any golden nuggets as you were going through this and all of our fun bonus questions. And what I’m going to leave you with is if you could be any kitchen utensil, what would you be? And actually I need to change the wording. If you could liken yourself to any kitchen utensil, you can pick which one you just have to tell us, which if you’re likening yourself or if you are just picking what you want to be?
ShawnQ:
I would be a fridge cause I love food. So that’s what I am.
AdeolaQ:
Yeah. I’m going to stick with my answer from earlier the spork. I need variety. I need options.
Christina Sims:
So versatile limited and everyone, what would you be? The one playing away challenge. Spending time.
ShawnQ:
Yeah, you guys are amazing. Thank you so much for letting us spend some evening time with you. Bye everyone.
